don't know what else to do...

i have at least 3 new posts i need to create, but i can't. don't have it in me. i'm feeling extremely low. sick & sad. yesterday morning, i learned from my dear cousin that a mutual friend of ours (i know her from the Bunco group my cousin started almost two and a half years ago) was involved in a car accident Wednesday night. her son was killed. she was driving. i was shocked. felt my heart drop into my stomach. as the news sunk in, i started to cry. i've continued to cry off & on since. my dear cousin called me back as i was driving us out of Vegas. come to find out, that's where Donna and her family were headed when this horrific tragedy struck. part of me felt a little afraid to drive...what if what happened to Donna happens to me?? but mostly, i needed to drive to try to keep distracted. i was in a haze for the better part of yesterday. Peter drove for some of the stretch, but then i was driving again when we were passing the area that the accident occurred in. i felt haunted. heart-broken. it's devastating how quickly their lives have been turned upside down and inside out. he was only 13. ...today, i've been trying to get back to normal, whatever that is. but i can't shake this awful event from my mind. i've been getting a load of laundry started or helping B with his HW and whoosh...the intensity of what i imagine Donna and her family might be feeling (though i know i can't even begin to really imagine how wretched it must be) will hit me. i am trying to be present for my kids, especially since Peter left town this morning for a business trip, but i'm having a tough time. i just want to numb out. but, i know i can't. i won't. i have to keep trying to be a better mom. Donna's such a good mom. she didn't deserve this. why, oh WHY is life full of so much devastation and heart-ache?????????

Donna, if you're reading this, please know that you have been almost constantly in my thoughts. I've prayed for you and your family. I'm so, so, SO sorry. I'm glad to know that you are surrounded by your family right now. Please know that I'm sending out a hug to you. And please know that I am here for you. That might sound completely trite, but it is completely true. Any time, in any emotion--you can call me or email me or text me. Please especially remember this in the coming weeks & months. Try to hang on; I know you are strong.